Where else do i go?

I came back to you! Where else do I go?

But to the lamp that you light with such care

To the grace that you bring to welcome the darkness

To the charm that you spread to enjoy the stillness

And the eyes bowing down - revering the flame

Draped in elegance, teaching what is poise

That you exist quiet on my wall in these magic colours

I can look at you for ever and lose in your Muse

I come back to you! Where else do I go?

To SL Haldankar - the artist

Attachments 

Mark!

This is my mark; I am planting it here

The itch to leave a mark on this canvas ready to feel me

The joy to see my mark resting as ink dried and clear on you

Knowledge that once it is read back will enliven the time that's passing as I write

Although my handiwork - its not entirely mine. Its as much yours when you read it

You own it when you read - but you will feel me, embrace my thoughts as you own it

While most mark their territory in space by placing their marks

I am marking a territory - or what is it be called - by passing this on to your minds and hearts - these my marks

Thereafter - its not just my territory, its all of us. our space

That's the joy, the itch - creating virtual geography and yet real, very real that can evolve or dissolve. Live and die like us - you, me, us

Where is the difference?

From sea shore to the shores of the sky
From sandy balmy breeze to misty chilly heights
From feeling the drizzle to raining over clouds
From being the crowd to being on top of world
It’s the same breath and the same smile
The skin no different, the belief old heady

Then why does it feel so new? So fresh?
Is it my eyes or yours? My song or your voice?

Where is the difference?

Shall I hold sway?

This magic is trivial. Let there be more
Water that flies, lands on my face
These hills that stand still for ever
And then both meet up as if any plan

Juices of the sky out of holy churn
Flavours of the airs right on my palm
And then the oneness of these senses
This magic is trivial. Let there be more

Shall I hold sway? Magic I shall add
These 24 hrs, whats so static about it
Take my cue, when I squeeze it or twist it
The days last you, not the other way round

Shall I add my thing, old will never happen
Either new or now. Old neither born nor dead
New everything. The sight or the plight
Sky not the limit, earth not the depth

This magic is trivial. Shall I hold sway?

All the same

Story in your eyes dear stranger is also in my eyes
Can you see what I see under our own sky
Air ours, yours and mine. The sense ours as well
How can the tale be unlike and the shared be vacant

Foothills

My feet at the foothills and eyes on hilltop
Arms wide, broad for a hug to embrace the elation
Breath deep to refresh soul and eyes new to witness heaven
Thoughts gone, worries away. Only you and me, my hill

Messages from heaven are songs from your birds
Passage to salvation those trekking routes
Grace in your strength gives spring in my walk
Calm in your gaze assures my place in present

Stream down the hill

Is it a roll or a dance
Song or a calling
Nectar from heavens
Spirit of my body

Sings when I close eyes
Dances in my gaze
Lifts my thoughts to skies
Drenches my joys in even more joy

Unwinds my busy day
Pulls me into a world of angels
Enlivens tiring moments
Delight my existence

Marine drive

Such love swells inside

The Sea so calm amidst crazy crowds. How do I hug you
The Sun going to sleep, pulling the dark blanket over. How do I kiss you
The leaves dried, fallen near my feet. How do I protect you

Such love swells inside

The clouds fluffy, making faces at me. How do I immerse in you
People bright, all gleefully busy. How do I find leisure with you
Breeze - cool, rumpling my hair. How do I breathe you full

Such love swells inside

Resolve

What have I done?

Committing my time to do things that I would not want to do
Parking my body in places that I would not want to visit
Stretching my lips to manufacture a smile that I would not otherwise
Consenting to be a screw but have no threads to be driven

I resolve to continue

Stalk the stars and trail the trivial
Nose the nothings and ignore the somethings
Warm the garden-bench, eye the morning ticks
See off the Sun to embrace the dark

Darjeeling train station

Leisure everywhere - yet the buzz to ripple my thoughts
Glimpse of this station is an a afternoon tea
Waiting here is visiting old fond secrets
People, crowd-less noise and hilly chimes holding things still
The track tunes is mild sun in breezy shade
To pass by this place - naked feet on dewy grass
The steam, the grease - the wheels. Beautiful bad in perfect hills

Can Concrete?

Can concrete comfort the abstract unsure
Building bridges over the certain pains
Poking towers strong into sky

Can concrete conquer the devils in mind 
Laying roads to the world of angels
Supporting ladder that lands on moon

Can concrete grow the new every-time 
Flowering the joys of existing
Adding life to air when its taken in

Can concrete sing when it rains
Aping the sparrow that chirps in memories
Falling like rain drops forming the puddles

Can concrete hold to its bosom
Listening to the secrets told to myself
Echoing the cries that I shout all alone

Can concrete sweat like my people
Challenging the heat and dark clouds
Forming a crowd to find own way

Talking back

Dust from that city, now in my home

Memory from that time envelops these times

Laughs from that context brings smiles to this moment

Songs from that event is a dance in today's heart

Sealed thought of that factory to open up present actions

Messages of that era solves current dilemmas

Question that puzzled then, finds its mate here

Conversations that demanded time. Now, time demands them

Time warp or things talking back

Come back

Can you please come back!
I can then react better to this banter
Now, indifference my name

Please come back
I can then smile at things
Now, I only stare just stare

Come back!
I can then feel my blood, breath, sweat
Now, I am a vegetable merely

Come back the times
I can then be fit to be here
Now, I just exist

Please take me with you
I can then see where good things go
Now, I am stuck in limbo

Madland

Land of surplus, I land my flight here
To add another drop to overflowing brew

Room of unknown, I find my place here
To facelift my pride to faceless freedom

Traffic turf, I bring my activity
To merge myself in unending commutes

Circus of prospects, I carry my hope
To heap my stone on towering domes

Chamber of insomnia, look to rest with you
To shut the slack and the junk

Park of high-rises, checking my depth
To leap from the skies

Kingdom of missing, here are my directions
To power my sense to miss the pointless

Strange - this place, I convey my freaks
To spy my bounds in boundless game

On my own. Yet...

Bring my own shade where I go and yet feel your shade

Rains, I own but it is yours that fertilize my thoughts

In my self-company I move but your company moves me

Seek my own help and now I go wrong so you can help

I got the dark to hide my quirks yet need you to cover my dark

The star that guides, shines For me. Your spark outshines it

Full of self

A song that sings herself
and a notice that announces itself
Joy that enjoys herself
and a muse that amuses itself
Time that spends on its own
and a journey that self-travels
A cloud that clouds herself
and an art that imagines itself
It's nothing. But nothing else
and Something and that's everything

My waves

I stand still like I am born to freeze
In every breath, my every pulse
Motionless me, yet restless me
You come to kiss every time
And vanish just in a blink

That you come every time, cant lose hope
And go every time, can't keep hope
You reply with a question, can't stay quiet
And question with an answer, forced to mute

Rooted to ground in your residue
Losing the anchor to your troughs
Yet standing firm in uncertain default

What's left of me is this show
Greetings ephemeral, farewells transient

You drift near my lifeline, born to Rove

Multitude

Make my way through tea acres, do I become tea
The road brews me, do I become liquor
Slide down the mountains, am I a river now
Scale the hills. kite, am I
Rub through the woods. wood, do I turn into
Freeze into elements, snow my ego?
Lose sense of time, timeless rock am I?
Strangers accept me, strange am I?
Float on the river, grass straw I look like?
Kiss the sea on the beach. coast, I should be
Meet the deity at his home, spiritual spirit mine?
Suspend in air as clouds, massless my pride
Wait for the Sun to shine that peak, hopeful me
A day before, I was just one
Today, I am all this and more

Sikkimsome

Sikkim surface, I come to feel 
As sky and earth meet on my skin
Stars below me, above me, all around
Powered by water pouring from heaven
Star myself in this prized company

A bit of cloud in my palm, as I grasp
And a pinch of snow as I kiss
Iciness sucks out my sense
Yet feel the expanse, unending
In my breath, in my consciousness

You mounty - tall, vast, endearing
We climb like creepers encircling
Feet by feet, step by step, roll by roll
And a new regard, every moment
To leap into the clouds from the clouds

Lord

With curiosity, I come to see you
And a prayer just in case
With some information to fall back
And a theory to confirm.
With fondness for your lore
And a duty passed on to me
Hiding my respect
And contempt for Lord of life
I seek you to vivify my themes


I go back knowing the drama
Your lordship and your friends
My prayer uttered, but can't be heard
Theory affirmed, questions orphaned
I see your issues and our issues
In colours my own, on your canvas
I feel for you my lord, as I return
Promise mine, we will together find
That joy to be free, to be away

Varanasi

A shore for myself to commit my sins
And a pail of river that covers them white
A moving crowd to poke my conscience
And a priestly figure who patches those pricks

A floating piece to survey the treatments
And a rising Sun that cures my darkness
A singing man soothing my knowledge
And a working cow that lingers my moves

A reining diety to share my wishes
And a queue of people telling their stories
Strength in my veins and wisdom in my sight
In one short visit, tryst with my river

Mandatory break

Making a move. Nay, made to move
There is a moment waiting in the way
To test my silence and tease my presence
To tell me it's the end and pushing me again

Breaking a routine. Nay, made to break
There is a glue waiting to let loose
To fasten it all and hold my comfort
To tell me it's still the same and avoiding again

Building a momentum. Nay, poking inertia
There is a mass running with me
To rest the movement and please passivity
To tell me the fun of giving it up and gaining again

Spending the time. Nay, made to spend
There is a clock waiting to halt
To measure the value before it's lost
To tell me things held in time and held in mind

Counting the days

I happen to count, not the numbers
Not the stars, not the blinks
But the days that die begetting nothing
And those that go pushing the pain
Few which pull back but go for sure
Days that pass away as their elder siblings
And some grow unique but break down usual

Why do I count? The birth, the death
And play the waves of wealth and loss
Since I can count, I should
On each of the counted days is my mark
And those not counted, exit unknown
Scarring a day makes it fruitful
Makes a memory, lesson for another day

And a day that succumbs uncounted
Also is my day where I did not live
My lifeless ticks turn it barren
But makes a way anyhow
Piles, void-rocks into nothing hill
The peaks of this rise mock. but hold
The dark ink that makes my mark

Careworn

Weighed down by care

Subdued by sky

Floating in the zero

Trapped on a sphere

Flame not flickering

Self still intact

Moves high deliberate

Questions savvy fresh

Thrills without zing

Pains, no sting

Smiles surprise-less

Shocks none at all

Inertia keeps it going

Your regards hold me here

Memories fetch the joy

That joy imparts life 

Let's not talk

Let's stop it, I may propose
Nothing comes of it, you may know
Time will do its thing, shall we hope
It may die it's death, its own way

No honesty in what I say
Conviction none in what you know
Times fly but this may settle here
Death is truth but end of way

Yet let's not talk, it consumes so much
You may agree but can u resist
Time would be spent any which way. Talk or not
What about this bond we earn as we talk

Let's weaken this bond, I suggest
Nothing comes out of this bind, you know
Bondage only of this time, not forever
Lets not talk, expand the space not thralldom

As we talk

I and my yesterday talk to you and your present

You don’t know those gone by times

I don’t see everything of your now

I offer a peep into the things that happened

You show me stuff occurring as I write

I and my present sing to you and your past

You know what moments I live

I guess what would have happened with you

I bare open my gift that is now

You let me know the charm that was there

I and my tomorrow, you and your future bound now

You wish for things to work in a way

I pray for things to move at no pace

I wait for all this to freeze right now

You somehow want it to end very soon

It’s all the same as you would say

Same Sun, the Moon, and Earth rotation

You impress upon me, I make my point

I tend to agree, it’s all the same

This moment lasts forever or as a memory

My Star

Alone as you shine in the dark expanse
Alone as I stare at the bright chance
Time stands still, joy comes alive
Breath deep fresh, worry lost gone
Lost and found - that moment yours, mine
Found and lost - lonely time in this tick
As I talk with my stares
As you smile in your glows
The world holds its stride, life takes a break
Weightless I wait, can it last little long
Lost and found - the secret yours, mine
Found and lost - this picture, this pose

Song

The stars, the night sky and quiet leaves
Cicadas buzzing behind dark nothings
Song, I hear. Silence can't stop its sway
My greetings to singer, none in return

Whose place this, I hear and not heard
Real my sense or mind making merry
Hushed and tranquil. Me and my thoughts
Whose song is this that silence sings

Unshakable

The cold stone that does not move

The stone that resists Sun, rain and the touch

The one that supports anything that needs

Watches everyone and reactions none

World shakes, shudders in its roll

Calm in worry's gaze and merry dance

Questions on face, solutions in the stance

Notices every tiny bit and responsive not

Fixed to ground or the other way round

Gives up traits for the sculptor's love

Gets a life that the carver gives

Loses the spirit, that timeless being

Random

With or without this name
In this age at this time
Memories of Earth or the sky
Trained to dream or living as is
Experience nothing or fulfilling
Moment of inflection or gradual buildup
Self driven or GPS aided
Road is a road is a road
Fate is a fate is a fate
Failing is a given - Success an accident
If success is default result of a logic
Bots, we shall have - Programmed and bound!

It just moves on

The page be turned or the book
Man be moved or outlook
Smile be given or accepted
Hand be held or fist fixed
It just moves on or so it seems

The Sun that rises and then sets
Sleep that occupies and vanishes
Word that is written and then read
Thought that is born and then dead
It just moves on or so it seems

What is it that moves on or so it seems
This body in the life or the life in cells
Time in this world or world of these times
Feel of this moment or the moment sums
It just moves on or so it seems

Restless

It could happen, I may find
A person uttering words in my mind
Laying the path for all my steps
Setting the stage for all those hecks

It does happen and I always find
Flowers bloom when I need their bind
Time lasts for as long as I want
Things hold back sensing my rant

It should happen and I ought to find
Days that put me in tiresome grind
Easy routine shall know itself
Listless breath - let be restless

FogStone

Fog, that doesn't hide that doesn't show but hints
A hint so charming, and sight so soothing
All on its own - surreal within sky, within earth

You, my unknown sculptor - hints not for you
Stones come alive - kissed by your hands, the delicate chisels
God's work - as old as time and your work freezes time

Sun be a mallet that thumps in those hands
Fog be a stone that awaits your love
Fogstone be chiselled, God takes his time and my eyes not for ever

Glue

Wealth all mine but no hands to hold
Bricks so many, not the sand, not the cement
Leaves tender green and branch nowhere seen
Flowers fragrant blooming, colors all but missing
People lovely stares, company none that cares
Chats - stars in the sky - sky itself away from scene
Pages - inked, dried and none bound into books 
Spirit pure, spotless - no body to carry it on
Glue natural binding, yet lost, sealed in charming pride 

Where is the pause?

Wavering and roving - where is the pause
On the way, in your say or the mind
In your eyes, I may rest - but oft you wink
And tell things pricking my links
Close my eyes, looking out for halts
Only to find those lingering double binds
Crowds lost in their act - there, I may roost
Your clones there, draw me in - pulling my strings
Away, I go on those aimless sorties
But discover all those aims and drives
Did you pause is what you ask waiting for my howls
It's hovering in some corner - where is the pause?

What is it?

What is the meaning of it all?

That I must walk, walk and get back
To rekindle that urge to walk
Get away to escape the warmth
And come back bitten by cold
Avoid the joy of your company
Only to look for you again and again

Like Daylight that's back to see what changed
Or the night returning to collect moments
Where do I belong? Here or there
Complete in myself and yet longing
Get pulled and pushed all at once
Wandering to find the drifts and none found

What is the meaning of it all?